


Bendycorns

by orphan_account



Category: MasterChef (TV) RPF
Genre: That's right, Unicorns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-17
Updated: 2012-08-17
Packaged: 2017-11-12 08:05:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/488585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Ben and Andy literally turn into unicorns. That's it. That's the whole plot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bendycorns

**Author's Note:**

> The last few weeks seem to have been an sincere endeavour on my part to make me hate myself.  
> This is entirely Kim's fault so you should go ahead and blame her for this disaster.  
> Apologies to all those involved.  
> My usual 'Ben and Andy are unicorns' seems rather strange here, so instead I'll just apologise again. I'm so sorry that my weird, creepy kind of love expresses itself in this way.

“Hey rook, if you could make anything exist, anything at all, what would it be?”

It was in the early hours of Sunday morning, they’d both had a few drinks, and apparently lying on the grass looking up at the stars was making Ben a bit philosophical. 

Andy bit his lip and thought for a moment.

“Unicorns.” 

He said, tentatively. Whatever Ben had been expecting him to say, it wasn’t this.

“Unicorns?” 

He asked, glancing over at Andy curiously.

“Yeah. Unicorns.”

Andy replied defensively.

“What’s wrong with unicorns?”

Ben shook his head, smiling.

“Nothing wrong with unicorns mate, it’s just you could have picked anything – a cure for cancer, a rollercoaster to the moon, free energy – and you chose unicorns.”

Andy sat up, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Oh? And what would you pick?”

Ben smiled up at him.

“A solution to the problem of world hunger.”

Andy opened his mouth then closed it again. Unicorns seemed incredibly silly and selfish compared to ending world hunger but he wasn’t about to admit that. 

“Well in mythology the horn of a unicorn is able to cure most disease so it would be great for the world.”

“Until we hunted them to extinction. Or wealthy people bought up all the horns and hoarded them.”

“Woah, why so cynical Mr. Optimism?”

Ben shrugged.

“Since you’re sitting up, get us another beer would you?”

Andy made a face but got up and walked into the kitchen, grabbed a couple of bottles, and ambled back out to the grass.

In the minute or so he’d been gone Ben had managed to fall asleep. Andy gave him a small smile and a shake of the head.

He cracked open one of the beers and took a swig. Setting the bottles down on the grass, Andy lack back down with his hands behind his head.

He suddenly felt rather tired himself. Figuring that resting his eyes couldn’t hurt, he let his eyelids flutter closed.

Although he didn’t know it, a few minutes later and he’d fallen asleep too.

_______

Andy’s first thought when he woke up was ‘where the hell am I?’ It took a moment o two to get his bearings.

Underneath him was a carpet of soft, green grass. It smelt wonderful. It looked even better.

He would even go so far as to say that it looked delectable. Which was odd, because as a general rule Andy didn’t eat grass.

Behind him he heard movement, followed by a yawn and a grunt of pain as Ben stretched.

“Fell asleep watching the stars did we? That’s horribly like something out of a trashy novel.”

Ben said as Andy turned to face him. All thoughts of a snark reply vanished in an instant when he caught sight of him.

“What the hell is that on your head?”

Andy exclaimed in surprise. There was no way they’d drunk that much. He still remembered everything.

He distinctly recalled sitting next to Ben, who was asleep and with a completely clean face.

“I was about to ask you the same thing.”

Ben replied as he clutched as his forehead.

Panic rising, Andy mirrored him, fingers scrabbling at what was supposed to be an expanse of skin above his eyebrows.

Instead, what he found was what could only be described as a large, cone-shaped horn protruding from the centre of his forehead.

The same thing he could see on Ben. He tugged at it and pain shot through his skull.

“Oh god, it’s stuck.”

He murmured, fearfully.

“So’s mine.”

Ben sounded much calmer than he had any right to be, which made Andy wonder what kind of weird shit he’d dealt with in the past that made him react to this like nothing much was happening.

It was all too much. He needed to seem himself in a mirror.

Unsteadily he clambered to his feet, and was moving towards the back door when he heard Ben gasp.

“What?”

He asked, weakly. He wasn’t sure if he really wanted to know the answer.

“I think…mate, I think you’ve got a tail.”

Gingerly Andy reached around behind himself. His hand brushed past something that felt suspiciously hairlike.

This really was too much. Andy barely had time to realise he felt light headed before he was falling.

______

When he came to Andy’s head was throbbing and he felt like he’d had a fight with a blender.

Ben’s face swam into view above him, the look of concern he was wearing rendered hilarious by the ridiculous horn jutting out from above his brow.

“Are you all right?”

Ben asked.

“Is that a trick question?”

Andy winced as he struggled to sit up.

“Sorry, I tried to catch you as you fell. I might have been a bit rough, I just didn’t want you hitting your head.”

Andy raised his hands to his face to rub at his eyes and almost shattered the bone around his sockets.

He blinked, staring at his hands. They were decidedly fingerless.

“Oh god, what the fuck is this?”

He said, verging on hysteria.

“I think they’re hooves.”

Ben said, showing his own horse-like former hands.

“How did that happen? I can’t have been out for that long.”

Ben shrugged, still well composed.

“I don’t know really. My hands were normal and then they went all tingly for a moment and then suddenly this.”

Of course. How else would it have happened?

“Do you have a tail?”

Andy asked before he could stop himself.

“I do.”

Ben replied. 

“Do you feel an urge to run through a meadow or a forest, or write a cookbook on 100 best recipes using grass?”

“Not sure how I’d go writing the cookbook without opposable thumbs, but running through a forest sounds great right about now.”

Andy nodded. It was beginning to make sense. Actually no, it wasn’t. At all. But he was starting to think of a possible answer to the whole ridiculous scenario.

“We are turning into unicorns.”

The lack of reaction on Ben’s face suggested that he’d already jumped to that conclusion. Which was ridiculous, because it was a ridiculous conclusion.

“We can’t be unicorns. We have commitments. Unicorns can’t cook. Oh my god they’re going to hunt us down for our horns. They’re going to do experiments on us, to find out what’s   
happening. They’ll want more unicorns. They’ll want more horns to cure things with. We’re going to be turned into lab rats.”

There was suddenly a sharp jab of pain in Andy’s arm.

“What was that for?”

He asked, doing his best to rub at the spot where Ben had punched him…or was it kicked? These hooves made terminology rather difficult.

“You were getting hysterical. You needed a distraction.”

Andy frowned.

“So you hit me?”

Ben shrugged.

“Mild pain tends to work well as a distraction.”

“I don’t want to be distracted, I want to stop looking so ridiculous.”

As if on queue a rainbow appeared, stretching far into the distance. A sign at the bottom of it read ‘This way to happiness’.

Andy stared at the sign. Then he turn to stare at Ben. Then he turned back to the sign.

“We did drugs last night, didn’t we?”

“I don’t think so. Do you even know where to get drugs? Because I don’t.”

Why did Ben still sound so reasonable?

“This is really stupid, you can’t walk on a rainbow.”

Andy said, taking a step closer to where the colours met the grass.

“We have hooves. And horns. And tails.”

Ben pointed out. The closer Andy got to the rainbow the more solid it seemed to become.

“Okay, so maybe we can walk on it. Do you want to?”

Ben shrugged. It was getting kind of annoying.

“It says it leads to happiness. Sounds good to me, rook.”

Tentatively Andy took a step onto the rainbow. It held his weight. So he took another step, and another, still not quite believing that he wasn’t about to plunge through it to his death.

It felt like no time at all before he was approaching the top of the curve. It hadn’t been obvious from ground level, but everything that goes up has to come down.

There was a tingling that started in his toes and quickly spread to the rest of his body until it reached the top of his head.

“No.”

He said, shortly.

“It said it would lead to happiness.”

Ben galloped past him, his body decidedly horse shaped.

“Maybe being a unicorn is happiness.”

Andy sighed in resignation as his own body began to change. 

Fuck it, he thought. 

Maybe Ben and the rainbow were right.


End file.
